Friday 6 January 2017

So Let's Talk About God's Not Dead...It's Rubbish (Review and RANT)

So, before we're even started, what building is this exactly? And who is this kid vandalising it with his "NOT" sign?
I've decided to start expanding the content I post, because I'm simply not having as much fun as I used to just writing reviews. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it, but my views are quite stagnant at the moment and I feel I need to start chaining up my format and trying something new to keep this project going. What gets me the most views? My rants or reviews of terrible movies. So what better way to exploit that than to talk about one of the worst movies I've ever seen, not really in a review format, but by going through the plot and simply breaking it down piece by piece. That movie is God's Not Dead, produced by Pure Flix. Not heard of them? Me neither. Bare in mind while going through this that there are no good performances in the movie (except maybe Kevin Sorbo's hilariously over-the-top professor), the cinematography and editing are horrendous, and the sound design is awful. Let's just jump right in. Oh yeah, and SPOILER ALERT in case you care. You shouldn't, let's leave it at that.


The movie starts off like your typical bog-standard, terrible movie plot set in a college. We see all the characters starting off their daily lives, before they separate out for 90% of the runtime. And yes, these are all as shockingly offensive stereotypes as you might expect: you've got the Chinese exchange student, the student who is putting on an act for their judgmental father but lives a secret double life, the atheist Liberal blogger (as you can tell immediately from her bumper stickers), and generic hero White Male #25769, played by Shane Harper, with his girlfriend. These are only some of the characters in this movie and they all have their little side stories, and it becomes hard to keep track of them at times. This movie is literally overrun with plots, to the extent that you might have forgotten that some of these are going on by the time the movie finally finds the chance to get back to them. It's obvious that these all exist solely to pad the movie out to an excruciatingly long 1 hour and 55 minutes, and they're all pretty paper thin as it is. So let's break these down.


So the "main" "plot" (you'll notice both of these are in quotation marks, because it's difficult to tell where the focus of this mess is and plot is a pretty broad term to use to apply to this sorry excuse for a story) is on new college student Josh Wheaton (director Harold Cronk had to choose between this and Ryan Singer clearly) as he joins a philosophy class headed up by the evil Professor Radisson, played by Kevin Sorbo. I say evil because this movie is so biased that it goes out of it's way to make every non-Christian character in the movie seem ridiculously over-the-top and irredeemable to the point that they are basically cartoons. Basically, Josh refuses to renounce his faith so Radisson forces him to spend 20 minutes in the next 3 classes proving that God exists. I'm not going to get into the points either side makes but it's a miracle that there's still a class at the end by the amount of time wasted on this debate while Radisson is made even more of a moustache-twisting villain by how he continually threatens Josh throughout the movie. You'd think he would be fired, wouldn't you? More so when you consider that Radisson is basically stalking Josh by the end of the second act, while sinister music plays in the background. The creepiness of these scenes is really enhanced when you consider that the actor playing Radisson is playing something more akin to a vampire or otherworldly creature than an actual three-dimensional human being for most of the movie. They later try to expand his character arc as we find it that he was once a Christian but isn't now because of the emotional impact of his mother's death. So Pure Flix are suggesting that nobody can simply be an atheist, but every atheist used to be Christian but was struck by tragedy. That's not me reasing too much into it either, as they go far as to say as much. Not that it matters in Radisson's case as this is completely undone by the end of the third class debate when Josh forces Radisson to admit that he does in fact believe in God but simply hates him. These are what the writers clearly believe are twists in a great and engaging story, when they come across more as quick U-turns because the writers realised they couldn't pad out the story more with the one-dimensional characters they composed for themselves. Don't worry though, if this story isn't engaging enough for you (honestly, I can't imagine who would find this an intriguing and seat-gripping affair), there's still another 7 subplots, so let's get into those!


Josh's story actually does journey outside of the classroom, however, and even into his relationship with girlfriend Kara, played by Cassidy Gifford. She is in fact attending the same college, although we have no idea what she is actually doing there (that or I forgot, I wouldn't be that surprised to be totally honest with you). However, I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out to be a major in clunky exposition. The scenes she is in earlier in the movie are only meant to enhance the audience's hatred for her before she breaks up with Josh later in the movie. She doesn't come across as particularly happy in the relationship but then acts extremely upset when they break up (even delivering the line "My mother was right about you all along" in a hilarious manner). It is simply a confused performance and writing for the character. The reason they break up (on their 6-year anniversary to boot) is the main issue, however, as Kara delivers an ultimatum to Josh about 15/20 minutes into the movie: either renounce his faith or they'll break up, as she believes that debating with Radisson with threaten their academic future. It is simply a waste of time in the movie meant to make the audience side with Josh as he is giving up his relationship for his faith, which I suppose was the main point the filmmakers were attempting to put across. I'll say this now, that word "pointless" is going to become the ultimate buzzword for the rest of these subplots, as they largely serve nothing to the story. Somewhere in here is an acceptable, focused, 90-minute movie (maybe even a short film) centred around this debate with some other characters tied to it, but these writers just could not figure out exactly what to do with it, and instead opted not to edit out any of their ideas from the draft stage of the production.


So the Josh plot then keeps going with the introduction of EVEN MORE characters into the movie, with Internet sensation David A. R. White entering the fray as "Reverend Dave" who Josh consults for help with his challenge. Essentially, Dave contributes nothing to the plot at this point accept to tell Josh to not be clever and to refer to Bible verses for assistance. However, this only serves to prove Josh's incompetence throughout the movie, as when Dave tells him to check out a verse from Matthew, he's actually looking at the Book of Luke 👌 (I know using an emoji is cringeworthy, but it fits the feeling I had watching this disaster for the first time). Also, I can't be the only one who thinks that the advice Dave gives is a little shaky. Prove the existence of God, so refer to the Bible. Perhaps the use of a source a little less biased might go down better with Radisson, wouldn't you think writers? Don't worry though, this isn't the last we see of Reverand Dave in case you were worried before watching this "masterpiece", as his friend, an African minister, comes to America to visit and hijinks ensue. First of all, when the two set off to go on holiday to Disneyland (not joking with that placement), the car breaks down and the writers decide to take this opportunity to tell us how rental cars work. Just in case they thought we weren't stupid enough. The car is then delivered and ANOTHER worthless character enters the movie, the rental car delivery man, creating a subplot within a subplot. This delivery guy is in fact an aspiring actor and is actually late for an audition for a role in a dinner stage play when we first meet him. We never see him act, go to the play or anything a competent filmmaker might show, but they do feel the need to return to the delivery man throughout the movie and find out that he got the role of "Biff" in Death Of A Salesman. In short, pointless padding. Big surprise, right? Anyway, back to Reverand Dave and his shenanigans. We constantly flit to Reverand Dave and his friend considering  what to do with their day, even at points just to allow the writers to avoid having to make any relevant or potentially interesting points in their arguments between Josh and Radisson. He even takes the time to organise a concert, and don't worry, we'll get back to that nightmare in a little while.


Let's finally move away from Josh and Reverend Dave and look at the atheist Liberal blogger, Amy. When we are first introduced to her and her evolution bumper stickers (immediately we know the movie will not have a happy story for her), she is on her way to "ambush interview" (sorry, but what the heck is an ambush interview, they don't seem particularly surprised while this is happening). This interview is with the Robertsons, who you may know from the TV show Duck Dynasty (which is almost as horrendous as this movie), where she questions them on their faith. Surprisingly, the Robertsons actually come across as the most rational characters in the movie for the 3 minutes total they appear, but that's besides the point. The movie also makes the point of showing that she is using Wikipedia as her main source. Anyway, after having her house broken into and her GPS stolen (likely because she is an atheist), Amy makes her way to see Doctor Stephens, where he informs her that she has cancer. This is an unexpected part of the movie you would think would be used for some emotional impact but her first reaction is "I don't have time for cancer". The insensitivity of the movie just keeps getting worse as the plot continues, particularly in one scene when she goes to dinner with her boyfriend Mark, with Dean Cain delivering a hateful and monstrous performance. He has just been made partner at his firm, and so, when Amy tells his her news, his first reply is "This couldn't have waited until tomorrow?" Congratulations, movie, you have just made this character wholly and completely irredeemable. No matter what arc he goes through, what happens to him, never will we establish an emotional connection to the character, or care what happens, because he is given the most offensive and stereotypical businessman character in the movie. Amy herself goes through a extremely weak character arc, and eventually becomes a Christian by the end of the movie, but nothing about the character developments the writers attempt to show feels particularly earned.


This movie is not content with focusing solely on Christianity and atheism, however, and also feels the need to introduce a Muslim character to extend the run time further. This character is Ayisha, played by Hadeel Sittu, a Muslim student who has heard Josh talking about God, and does not like her traditional father's insistence that she were a hijab. It's only made more confusing as he clearly doesn't care about her T-shirt (as you can see for yourself in the images below), but we've already established the ignorance and stupidity of this movie so let's just move on. It soon transpires that Ayisha is (of course) a CLOSET CHRISTIAN and is secretly listening to Franklin Graham songs on her iPod. Her story is that her brother Fajid comes into her room while she is listening to these songs and steals her iPod away from her. Of course, he somehow knows exactly who Franklin Graham is (I mean, I had to look it up myself but whatever) and Ayisha tries to convince him to not tell their father. I'll give you 3 guesses what happens? You should only need one, to be honest. Typically, the father does find out and Ayisha is disowned and thrown from the family home as her father is disgusted at this. The abuse on display in this sequence is uncomfortably awkward and pretty offensive scene. This is one of many instances in the movie where the characters are written in such a way that we are manipulated as an audience into siding with the Christian character and look poorly on other religions or characters though their actions. It is lazy and rather offensive writing. Don't worry though, this provides an opportunity for David A. R. White to return to the movie to provide yet more useless advice. Ayisha then disappears from the movie until one incredibly cringeworthy moment at the end of the movie. Look out for it towards the end of this rant.


Not enough plot for you? Well, we're nowhere near done yet. Next up is Chinese exchange student Martin, played by Paul Kwo. Once again, we get another generic relationship in the form of his relationship with his businessman tycoon father, who is back in China. He, like any reasonable parent, does not want his son to jeopardise his chances of receiving a good grade and being able to keep studying overseas as he wants, and so tells him simply to follow Radisson's lead and state that God is dead. However, Martin, another closet Christian, struggles with this. Clearly the writers hoped to inject some tension into this relationship, although it never really gets brought up again in the film. However, I don't think religion is where the tension comes into this relationship, but rather it stems from a lack of communication and ability to understand each other. How? Well, it probably hasn't helped Martin and his father that in their scenes together, one of them is speaking Cantonese and the other is speaking Mandarin. The movie simply boggles the mind, don't you think? Anyway, Martin contributes nothing else to the plot except to stand up after Josh concludes his argument and say "God's Not Dead" thus bringing his character arc to a swift conclusion. The rest of the class then stands up and repeats the statement (except one guy who actually got stuck in his seat - watch out for him). The best part about this scene is that, despite being in the middle of a class, and the professor who doesn't have to allow this, Radisson literally gets up and leaves the class when this happens, as if the villain of the tale has been banished, never to return.


Next up is the the story of Mina, played by Cory Oliver, and this is the subplot which probably ties into the "main" story the most. Mina is actually the girlfriend of Professor Radisson himself (hey, Sorbo's the only actor giving any kind of performance so any opportunity to see more of him throughout the movie is worthwhile). However, she is actually a Christian in contrast to Radisson's views. This is the main focus of this subplot, with Radisson turning nasty whenever Mina tries to bring up God. The only good thing that comes of it is the funniest line in the movie courtesy of Radisson: "If I can't have a mistress, you can't have Jesus" (maybe paraphrasing a bit but that is the general point). The writers decide to then use a dinner party to show that Radisson is the worst boyfriend on the face of the planet, as he takes every opportunity to patronise Mina by insulting her intelligence. The main instance of this is when he and his philosophy colleagues mock Mina for apparently ruining wine by leaving it in her car for an hour or two after buying it. I'm not exactly certain that this would ruin wine or be enough to put it completely off, but Radisson and these writers clearly know best, so we'll ignore the stupidity of this argument. This goes on and on until Mina eventually breaks up with Radisson but he doesn't exactly seem terribly broken up about this. He was likely still upset from when she called him Jeffrey at work instead of Professor Radisson as he prefers.


Believe it or not, the subplots keep coming with this one. I've saved this one until the end largely because it literally exists for 2 seconds and receives no meaningful or emotional resolution. So, close to the beginning of the movie, Mina visits a care home where she visits an old woman who seems really excited about eating some chicken. In fact, she says she "can't remember the last time she had chicken" so it's quite the occasion Guessed where this obvious set up is going yet? Yes, hold the party poppers, because the carer informs Mina that she in fact had chicken for lunch and dinner yesterday, thus informing us, the stupid audience members, that this woman has dementia. Surely this will have some emotional pay off? Well, if you've followed everything I've said so far, you'll have no doubt figured that this is not in fact the case. Old Lady Who Likes Chicken (she doesn't have a name as far as I know so that's what we're going to credit her as) never appears again and is only briefly mentioned again during a conversation Mina has with Mark. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention?! Mark sticks around in the movie because he's Mina's brother apparently but once again receives no redemption for the errors of his way. This plot actually feels quite insulting and pandering overall, largely because the implementation of dementia is simply done because the filmmakers clearly foolishly believe that it will immediately cause some sort of emotional connection with the audience. The fact that it receives no emotional resolution only confirms as much and it simply serves to pad out the runtime even more than everything else in the movie.


So eventually these plots actually do start to converge towards the end of the movie. as, after all this nonsense finally wraps up, the main characters decide to visit a Newsboys concert. They are apparently a "well-known" Christian rock band which all of the characters are desperate to see. Josh, Martin, Ayisha, Mark, and Mina really contribute nothing else to the plot at this point so let's just forget about them. Yep, they are completely done character arc wise in the movie. Feel like there was something missing? That's right, any sort of resolution, something you'll have started to notice as a common trait with this movie. Maybe it's sequel baiting (shamefully, it actually worked). Anyway, Amy decides to go backstage at the concert to talk to the Newsboys (probably some sort of ambush interview or something, I don't know). She tells them she has cancer, and they say that she actually came to them to find Jesus and for help in becoming a Christian. After some painful fake shocked expressions, Amy and the Newsboys pray together and that's the end of that plot. Finally, Professor Radisson makes a return to the story after being banished from his own classroom. He finds an old letter from the dead mum (which he apparently never found until now) pleading him to always believe in God, and realises that he needs to reconcile with Mina or he will be all alone. Is it possible we might get some actual character resolution, as Radisson hurries to the concert? Nope, you may be forgetting how spiteful the writers are, as Radisson is actually hit by a car outside of the stadium, before later dying. Of course, he was an atheist for most of the movie, so he can't have a happy ending. David A R White and his friend even return to the movie at the end to comfort the Professor and convince him to become a Christian as he dies. Instead of calling an ambulance or something I guess. The movie finally comes to a close with the Newsboys dedicating their new song to Josh after the Duck Lord Willie Robertson returns to congratulate him and urge everyone to text everyone they know telling them that God isn't dead. Even the two ministers receive the text, and joyfully laugh and proclaim that "GOD IS GOOD"...despite there being a man who literally just died in their arms a few feet away. Oh yeah, and Ayisha goes up to Josh and taps him on the shoulder. She repeats a C.S. Lewis quote he had said to his ex earlier and says "that was you wasn't it?" Could this be...love? With that, the movie finally comes to a close, with every viewer simultaneously saying "FINALLY". In short, this movie is awful, and one of the worst movies I've ever seen. However, if you keep these points in mind, maybe you'll have a good time. One final point I'll make is abut the song itself, and well...I'll just let you guys listen to it:



One last thing I'd like to say guys is thank you all again for sticking with this. Hopefully you have enjoyed this one. I tried to inject a bit more humour into this, and I can honestly say this is probably the most fun I've ever had writing one of my posts. Thanks again, and if this goes down well, I'd be more than happy to make more posts like this one in the future.